The Blood & The Bones

Some people think that those who remain friends after a bad breakup are the bravest. I don’t agree. I think that those who acknowledge that what someone did to them is wrong,…unacceptable even if not entirely intentional and closed the door on access to their lives are the brave ones. How courageous is it to know you deserved better than that? How strong must you be to know that you need to move forward instead of staying stuck in the middle of hoping and hurt and wishing them the best but not really.. lets be real…. not really wishing them the best if it means without you, right? How much must you value yourself and the time you put in to know you won’t waste anymore?

No, we can’t be friends because friends don’t treat each other that way. And just because we cared about each other at one point does not grant you visibility into my existence. That right is earned. I allowed you to earn it in the beginning. I won’t just give it away so freely now.

I have closed many doors. I have locked most of them. I have thrown away keys. After awhile, some knocked again. Some went away forever. I made the decision whether to answer cautiously or to leave them staring at the blankness of a closed door, that reminds them of what a life without a love like mine feels like.

Whether the door was flung open, cracked or left completely shut, time always had to pass before the next calling. Because that’s when the hurt has dulled and the motives are clear. That’s when you can allow people to earn a spot in your life again because you deserve that. You deserve the effort.  And they deserve the opportunity to make it right, if you believe that they do.

So, you go on pretending like once lovers can be just friends right after heartbreak. And I’ll go on knowing, if that’s the case, that one is still hoping for something and the other never really loved them that completely at all. And that’s a door that should never just be left open.

LL.

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