The Blood & The Bones

The Beginning

You say bear with me, L. You say this with your eyes and with your lips. You say this with your heart and with your touch.

But, if I bear with you, will you let the strength of my calm and the truth in my wake guide you to your path? Back to the one you veered from so very long ago?  Will you let this stillness be useful?  For I don’t think I can sit in one place for so long without knowing your promises mean something.

If I promise to hang on can my love be the match for the light that has dimmed in the depths of your true being? Can my loving you be a job that I look forward to going to every single day?  I can bear with you only if I know that what I am doing means something.  That it will all not be for nothing.

I see that you are already becoming, each day, the resilience you so honored in your father and you are reclaiming the strength you’ve based your passions upon.. You don’t need me to evolve. I know this.  But, maybe I can be the one who reminds you of your worth and your potential when your head is in your hands and your mind feels weak?

And as you slowly regain or maybe even find for the first time, your true self and learn how to let go of the man you were told to become, will you let me be the one you catch a glimpse of that reminds you how important it is to seek out the man that you are to be?

I can hold on if you can understand that I want to be more than a warm body, a pretty face or laugh here and there to you. I want to be more than your everything. I want to be the foundation in which you build your everything upon. I want my words to be the bricks. The support to be the mortar that holds those bricks together. And the love to be the fire that warms this place you’ll build to hold our dreams, our family, our memories, our lives. I will bear with you, my love, only if you promise me this and nothing less.

The End

It may seem like I was demanding so much of you but please know that since the day I sat across from you and you placed that heart shaped rock in my hand, I knew you would want all of me.  And that I would give it, willingly but not without struggle.  And so I did.  Even when you pushed back, pushed me away.  Told me to wait.  To go.  To hold on.  To let go.  That you wanted the same.  That you didn’t want the same.  That you didn’t know what you wanted.  I always came back.  It was my gift to you.  One I had never given anyone else.  Because, when you said bear with me, I made a promise to myself that I would.  I know I faltered.  I know I tried to run. I let the roller coaster confuse me.  We both got on and off that ride so many times.  But my heart was always in it.  My heart stayed on, strapped in, clenching the bar and scared as hell.  I still wanted to bear with you.  I just needed a more stable foundation in which to wait upon.

It seemed like all or nothing.  Like forever or goodbye.  But that’s because I wanted to give you forever and when you didn’t seem to want it I pulled away.  I fled.  That is what my mind makes me do and I am sorry.  I am flawed beyond measure.  I know this.  And I suppose you know this now, too.

Bear with me, L.

I would have though.  If you could have.  But it seems, neither of us had the strength.

And so now we must bear with the what might of been instead.

LL.