The Blood & The Bones

There was a girl you knew once that you called the love of your life. You told her all the time that she was special. But, in the end, you didn’t treat her that way.

She was special though. Not because of the way she looked but because of the way that she was and the man you wanted to be when you were near her.

And someday, when you’re 70, sitting on the porch, watching yet another sunset that she is watching somewhere else, you’ll think about her and wonder where she is and what became of her? Did she make it to Alaska? Did she have another baby like she wanted? Did she get out of that town that held nothing for her? Did she finally get to wear that wedding dress and change her last name? If so, what’s he like? Is he anything like you? Does he sing to her? Does he know she writes and how she likes her coffee? Did he struggle to break down her walls the way you did but was he finally the one to say ‘I will stay’ and mean it? Does he deserve her?

And your eyes will dance around your memories and you’ll know that, yes, you’ve been happy but if you’re being honest, really honest, you’ve never been complete. There was never a day where you didn’t think of even just her name and then the days where you’d get lost in the thought of how you fit perfectly inside her. Like she was made for you. They’d ask you where your mind was and you couldn’t tell them it was with her. Always with her.

You’ll try to remember what it sounded like to hear her singing while she cooked dinner. And that crinkly thing she did with face when she knew you were looking at her. You’ll think of that time she met you outside the airport and flung herself into your arms. The very last time you made her believe you’d changed.

You’ll know you’re ok, your life was what it was, but not what it would’ve been with her.. with your soulmate. And it’s because your life was meant to be spent with her but a long time ago you threw it away. The girl you said was special. You made beautiful promises and sang her love songs and told her stories about having a child together. You told her she was the one and then you left her like she was no one.

Every day, every memory, every milestone has been a part of the puzzle of your life you’ve slowly pieced together. But, you know there is and will always be a piece missing and that piece is her.

And the place that it was meant to fit is exactly where that empty spot in your heart is. The place she should’ve been. The place she’s always been. The place she’ll always be.

LL.