The Blood & The Bones

I wanted to write about you today. I wanted to write about loving you through to the other side but knowing that it was impossible. My words where jumbled up in clumps and clusters and they wouldn’t line up with where my heart was going so I didn’t. I tried. I stopped and started in my head but I couldn’t make sense of it. I wanted to write you something beautiful and infinite and to give it wings to carry you. Because I know I have to let you go. I know I have to let you feel the loss of this permanently if you will ever take anything worth a damn away from it. But, I’m not sure how. I know I must. I know I will. But what day will be the day that I can feel my grip loosen and the love for you slowly release into the universe and not close my fingers tightly around it at the very last moment as I have done so many times before? When is this the day that I’ll be free? Free from the burden of loving a man who is lost. A man who is not ready. A man who cannot ever keep a promise. A man that has dimmed the spotlight on me when it pleased him and lit me up with lies when he craved the light. A man who has burned almost all my bridges. A man with two sides and still I beg to know the real him in between.

I cannot save you. You cannot save me. We cannot save us.

But today is not the day I write you away.

Maybe tomorrow.

LL.