The Blood & The Bones

I wish I could explain it ..

The way my head and heart do battle. But the words I mean to give you, they rush to the tip of my tongue then draw back, they retreat scared to uncover my weaknesses even though they know they must..

So, I am left, tied up tongue, mouth full of everything I can’t figure out how to say. Choking on them before swallowing them down into the pit of me where all the things I hold too tightly go.

If I could just say I’m scared … that I fear that the depth of this could swallow me up and I’m not sure you’d reach in to save me because we both know you are too afraid of the water.

If I could say the things that I dread the most maybe you’d see why I too am broken.

And the worst part is my fucking heart is screaming while my head is calmly dealing out all the reasons as if it were some separate entity … these lengthy explanations that sound so sure of themselves, none of which make any sense but are all my sheltered self can manage in the chaos and the damage.

And that is why love and logic do not, cannot coexist within me. And the words I couldn’t manage to give you will die quietly never to be heard.