The Blood & The Bones

I never intended my love to be a prison but I guess that’s what it was.  And I ache inside thinking I held you within confines you never wanted.  Was being us so bad?

I want to call you or come to you. I want to scream your name and beg you to please not do this. But what words are there to give you but goodbye when you say my love is too much?  When you ask me to love you a little less… as if that’s possible.  Perhaps, maybe it’s not that I love you too much but instead, that no one has ever loved you enough.

Or maybe my love, my heart, my requirements.. the way I touched you, kissed you, teased you, listened to you, encouraged you and was real with you.. maybe it wasn’t what you needed.  Maybe I can’t give you what you need.  Maybe no one can.  I would’ve spent my whole life trying.  I would’ve loved you to the ends of the end and beyond.  But now I can’t.

And all I know is I feel an emptiness inside me I’ve never known. You are gone.  You are gone.

You took a lot of me with you.  All the times I felt loved completely.  All the moments I felt more beautiful than I’d ever been. All the prayers I sent up to heaven thanking God and the universe for you.  It’s all gone.. you took it with you.  But I guess it wasn’t mine to keep anyway.

I can’t seek you out again. I cannot bridge the gap as I always have.  It’s not for me to do now.  I can’t try to right a wrong that I’m not in control of.

All I can do is know that I loved with all that I had.  I don’t even know how to make that sound poetic or beautiful.  It’s just what it is. I loved with all I had and it wasn’t wanted.  And that’s it.

Goodbye.

LL~