The Blood & The Bones

Am I the only one …

Who looks for you in the places we’ve been?

Who tells you good morning and goodnight somehow hoping you can hear me?

Who looks through photos of a year of love.  Seeing the smile in your eyes and wondering if you’ll ever smile that way for someone else?

Am I the only one who lies in bed re-remembering the times we were in that bed together?  Your hand always found me.  You said you didn’t like to be touched but you were always touching me.  That’s what made it so hard to believe.

Am I the only one who worries that you might have found someone else?  That you give all this to another when it’s me who wants it so badly?

Am I the only one who sneaks off to the bedroom and cries into her pillow so her son won’t hear her.  Turning up the tv before I leave the room so he won’t overhear my sadness because it’s something I just cannot explain to a four year old.

Am I the only one who tells people it just wasn’t meant to be right now and I take the blame for whatever they throw out because I love you so much, I cannot bear the thought of someone hating you.

Am I the only one who aches, fucking aches at just the thought of you saying I love you?  Just to hear it one more time or a million more.. I’d give up days on the end of my life.. years.  That’s how addicted to you I was.

Am I the only one stuck in this circle, unable to do the things I need to do to move forward because the feeling of one day it will be our day and I don’t know when that day is.  So, I just wait. And the waiting eats away at me.  I am a shadow of myself swimming in that darkness because it feels like you.

Am I only one who not only believed that you were enough but that you were beyond enough.  That you were everything I never knew was enough to me?

Am I the only one still in love.  Better yet, was I the only one ever in love at all?

LL~