The Blood & The Bones

Dear Me,

You keep letting him creep back in. You keep ending up hurt.

You spend nights and days wondering why you do this to yourself. Because truly it is you allowing him to continue to take what suits him.

And the return, at this point, is so fucking minimal, if there is any at all. You have tried all versions of love just to keep him close but his lies keep anything from ever having depth. He lies when the truth is better. He goes silent when asked about anything significant. When you only inquire because you simply won’t allow yourself to be the one that brings the pain he let her bring to you. He lies to you. To them. To himself.

So, another night of lost sleep asking yourself, why? Why the hell do you let him back in? And you don’t know. The only thing that comes to you now is that he doesn’t deserve any part of you anymore. Nothing. And, when you look back on everything he did and didn’t do, you finally see that he never did.

You could’ve loved him, every fucked up piece of him if he had just let you. But he won’t. He won’t let anyone. And that’s not your flaw. That’s his.

So, be thankful he reached out this time because it has shown you there is simply nothing you can do to make him be the man he needs to be. All this time you thought it was you. Especially with the words he fired at you. The days he ignored you. The way he made you feel like you were never enough.

But, you see now, your flaws are nothing compared to how lost his is. Your only real flaw was loving a man who didn’t deserve you. And you can’t try to find him this time. You can’t ever again. That man stays lost and on the run because he wants to and so you just have to let him go.

So, I know you’ve asked yourself a million times what you would say to him if you saw him now. It used to be I love you. But, now, I hope the only thing that comes to mind is fuck you.

Love,

Me