The Blood & The Bones

This fucking rain.. it makes me melancholy and unsettled. And we’ve had so goddamned much of it the last 6 months. But, at least I’m writing and taking notice of things that I find beautiful and intricate and inspiring. And, most importantly, I am enjoying and exploring the silence within me and not drowning it out with the sounds of people who’ll never really understand me or probably even care to.. It’s kind of easier this way. Sure, I could use people to mend my own brokenness. I’ve done it time and time again. I wasn’t really aware of what I was doing but everything has changed and I’m aware now, more than ever, how destructive it is to be led on. To believe in unspoken promises and lead with a hopeful heart. And, I can’t allow myself to do that to anyone. Besides that, people don’t see me. They see the funny shit, the selfies, the sexual innuendos, the laughter and the smiles but they don’t see ME. I’m a lot more than all of that.. Unfortunately, most people never try to pull your layers back and see your depth. I only had that once in my life and now, there’s no going back from it. To be loved and desired when you are vulnerable, ugly, exposed is liberating. I can’t describe it and I can’t settle for less now. In this disconnected, impulsive, instant gratification seeking world it’s mostly impossible to come by. And my old soul just cannot allow me to want for anything but magic. I will happily be alone forever if the alternative is never being loved all the way.