The Blood & The Bones

It’s over now.

For good.

I said my piece for the final time. I said my goodbye.

I know it wasn’t received the way I hoped but eventually I think he’ll understand. Especially when he looks for me in others and never finds it.

We had the same reoccurring issues and things would start back off great.. he’d make time for me.. he’d stay up just to talk to me. He was sweet. He gave me attention whenever he could and I felt that energy coming from him. I was his peace.. his calm. He was happy. But then he’d get comfortable and stop. Nothing would change with me. He’d just start to fade.

And when I explained, he thought it was about the frequency in contact. It wasn’t about that. It was about the effort and knowing that no matter how busy the day had been I’d get at the very least a good morning and goodnight .. but I didn’t have that and, especially given our history and his situation, 12+ hours and no texts and you start to wonder if you’ve angered them, if they are ok, if something had happened…. And no matter how hard I reiterated that this was the way it made me feel, it was never understood.

He thought I was overwhelming him with texts when he didn’t understand that this was all we had. I couldn’t see him, he never called. So, I always made sure to send him reminders that he was on my mind or to include him in my day. In a long distance relationship you have to work harder to feel like you’re really together. Somehow that was too much for him. I was too much. I asked for too much. I needed too much. I expected too much. I wanted to be happy too too much. And, unfortunately, this was just one of many issues we could not seem to overcome.

And so I have to wonder.. am I too much for him or was he simply not enough for me?

LL~