The Blood & The Bones

I want it…your body and mind, you said. And I believed it.

God how I had waited to hear that..some profession of true desire from a man of so very few words.

So, I drove five hours that night to see you. And then you barely gave me one.

Your eager hands ripped my stockings and it made me feel beautiful the way you couldn’t wait to have me.  Not the first time for us.  No.  But, the first time like that.

But, this time, you didn’t reach for me after as you’d done before.  At arm’s length I waited for the affection. The after touches that tie it all up with a bow.  They didn’t come and you didn’t notice their absence or the way my body turned towards you begging for more of your skin on my skin.

I tried to talk about this, us, whatever us was.  And you were vague and reserved, as always.  I felt like you were checking out but I’ll be honest and say, I don’t know that you ever checked in.  I asked if there had ever been a girl that made you want to and you said no, I don’t think she exists.  I played it cool as if it had not ruined me right there, sitting in your passenger seat full of the aftermath of you and the lust you had felt thinking to myself…. So, this is what it’s like to be used.. .

I said maybe we could be friends.. a last ditch effort to salvage some self-worth.

Soon after, you pulled away and I remained.  Car off in the darkness as your tail lights melted into the distance.  You didn’t wait to see if I had gone and I put my head on the steering wheel as the hot tears rolled down my ruined face.

I guess if you ever wonder when I knew it was over …I guess I would say it was then.

LL

the blood & the bones