The Blood & The Bones

They say don’t lose hope.

And I think about that.  And how in hope there is a someday.. there is a maybe, a wish, a dream.  It seems that in my hopes there is a you and there is a me.  A you that I don’t know yet and a me that I can’t see. And in that hope there is light.  Such a beautiful blinding light.

But there is darkness there too. It is far enough ahead to forget about for now but in this  pitch black, there lies the death of parts of me I set aside for the someday.  For the moments I have hope for.  For the me I want to become. For the you I haven’t met.

And I want to see only the light, the good, the magic.  But the darkness, the darkness ultimately wins, doesn’t it?

And when the darkness comes, when I am in those shadows, I see reality.  Or mine at least.  In the absence of light I find the bloodiest massacre of the life I wished for.  There the hope lies scattered about, trampled by mistakes and misunderstanding.  The death of it I never see in the light of promise and reverie.  But it’s there.  It’s always fucking there.

And in that darkness I end up alone.

Crushed, defeated, abandoned.

All the words that hurt even just to say because I know these feelings far better than I know the love that light brings.

So, yes, I can have hope. And in that there is magic and forever.

But there is also disaster and destruction and never ever never.

To me, to hope is to hurt.

And I don’t want to anymore.

LL
the blood & the bones