The Blood & The Bones

People ask how are you?

But they aren’t really listening to your answer. And I think I’m thankful for that as I fumble through half truths and half hearted positivity.

I want to confess that I am strong and yet so weak at the moment and I don’t know quite which way up is.

This whole thing just hit me like a ton of bricks. The last chance to let the light in.

I built a life in my head on promises made too quickly in just a little while with a man who went from stranger to soulmate to not ready for this.

What a broken record that is..

I could confess knowing they aren’t really hearing me. But I don’t because they can’t see the me that is me, at least not like you did..

So, I pretend my smile comes with ease and change the subject as quickly as you changed your mind about me ..

And that’s my saving grace I suppose ..

That I can tuck it down deep and pull the mask on… I can so easily be the girl everyone needs but never wants to keep.

Even though so many times I want to scream please, can one not leave? Because I know they all come be back eventually but my heart will harden in their absence and I won’t be able to let them back in. So, just stay now and we can make ever after, happily.

No girl, say nothing, just keep moving, keep moving on, don’t let them hear the crack in your voice or stare too long in your eyes. The wind makes them water you say or their perfume or is just rejection…

But I know better than to answer honestly, because then they’ll find out that you didn’t want me and I’m a goddamn mess of in between who finally decided never to love again.

LL
the blood & the bones