The Blood & The Bones

I see him walk across the parking lot..

It’s 7 am and he’s stopping to get a gas station coffee.

Most of the time, he’s got the walk perfected. Something he was taught long ago about how a man carries himself. Confident, shoulders back, ready to face the day… But you can’t hide tired eyes.

His work clothes stained with yesterday’s remnants but clean. Sometimes it’s a perfectly pressed uniform or a dress shirt and tie but I can still look at him and see the hard years and how he’s worn this like a suit of armor… this everyday warrior.

As I watched him, I thought of the weight on a man’s shoulders. Something like a modern day Atlas. The weight seems so crippling. He is the protector, the bread winner, the husband, the father, the friend. Working before the sun even rises to shine and well past when she’s dipped below the skyline. Then honey-do lists, piggy back rides and then the not tonights.

Start it all over again the next day..

Provide. Maintain. Even if you’re lost, struggling.. Push it down. Everyone is watching. Macho bravado. Don’t cry. Emotion is weak. Hold it together with gripped hands, nails, barbed wire, sheer fucking willpower. They’re depending on me. Can I work overtime so we can go on holiday or to buy her the things she wants or so I can afford a good Christmas for my family? Did I do enough today for our tomorrow? Did I show enough love even though I’m not even sure what that means? Did I say the right things? Treading through life’s quick sand. Sinking, sinking, sinking. Back broken from so much responsibility. Body hurting, heart hurting. He’s hurting and yet no one even asks him how he’s doing. Taking the long way home just for a little peace. Pulling in and sitting in the driveway. Get it together, I hope she’s in a good mood tonight. I hope the kids are happy to see me.

All I can think is..

I see you.

And I see that you are doing the best you can. And I am proud of you.

I want to say this to you but it won’t mean anything coming from a stranger like me.

But, I pray someone you love tells you soon that you are appreciated, you are valued, you are worthy. It is enough. You are enough.

Strong, handsome, smart, loving, hard working warrior king..

LL