The Blood & The Bones

Why did you make me feel all of this
just to leave me here with my hands full of it?
Unwilling to give it to anyone else..
unable to keep it for myself.. Why did you dig into me just to leave the dirt in piles for me to trip over? Reminders of questions that will me will never be answered. Like was I not good enough? My own hands are dirty too. Full of the handfuls I tried to grab of you.

Why did you unbutton me just to leave me exposed? My aching chest, skin bare to the world. Naked and vulnerable, I let you see the parts I had not shone to the light in so long. I swear I can see my heart thump right through my skin and it feels as if the quickening beat is for no one. Not even me.

Why did you open a door you would not let me walk through? Standing on the porch, I could only look in at all the beautiful pieces, the textured walls. But none of it I could touch. I could not come in and sit and feel the comfort. Could never relax in you, feel the warmth through the windows and make it the home I never knew.

Why did you let me taste the drug, make me feen for it. Showing up each time just when I thought I had it under control. A chemical infatuation that made me numb to the noise.. that made me fly. Felt you coursing through me as I would get high on you .. always saying just one more time until I understood that once more would never be enough. A junkie craving the drug that is you. And you knew you were the only dealer who had my fix taking me so close to overdose time and time again.

Why?

Why start these things you’ll never finish. Why burrow inside of people just to cut your way out? The worst part is, I kept thinking I was different. But, I know now I wasn’t. Just a dime a dozen… only had to wait my turn. A little slice of distraction. A flame you sparked never intending to let burn.

the blood
& the bones