The Blood & The Bones

He said when I’m over there it’s just simpler. I get up everyday knowing I’m a part of a team. My mind if valued for its strategic thoughts. My body is a killing machine. I have a purpose, a reason, I am a part of something greater than me. My uniform fits, my kit is prepared because it was built by me.

And here, I’m drowning in everyday chaos. And I don’t know how to manage it. I was never trained for this. The kids, the wife who only know this side of myself. I’m walking around in a suit that doesn’t fit, sitting at a table in an uncomfortable chair, my hands are empty when there should be a gun there. I feel like just another blurred out face in sea of robotic humans. And I just ache to be back where I feel like I know exactly what is expected of me.

And that’s why I’m scared of the day I’ll get out, the day they make me call it quits. What if I’m not built for anything but this?

LL