I watch his lips move around the words I love you. I watch his eyes as they fall from them. I close mine. Absorbing the cadence of his voice. Over and over, press play..

Again.

Again.

I pretend that he meant it. I let myself believe that he did.

It had been so long since someone had or since I felt that anyone could, if we’re being honest.

I know that I am stuck. My feet in unwilling cement. Thoughts of how it might’ve been, a tornado in my head.

And I still feel him here..

In my chest.. in my bones.

Little bits that never left..

That wait to be retrieved but he is not coming back for them.

And still they will me to look for the words in his mouth when the longing is too great. Like a homing beacon. A lighthouse for a deliberately lost man.

It is my blessing. It is my curse.

But, I pray it never ends..

Like we did.

I hope it can be kept.

For it is all of him that I have left.

the blood
& the bones

/Do you know how close we were to having something others never will?/