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Sometimes when I can’t write I go back through pieces I started and never finished or old even journal entries..

Like this one.

…..

He is lying there. His stomach pressed flat onto the bed. His breathing steady. He is at peace. I’m not sure how long this will last. Or when my hand will need to gently stroke his cheek as the twitching starts. There are things that I have learned to do to remind him he is safe with me.

And I have learned never to touch his back in his sleep. For this could bring me harm unintentionally ..like what it brought that man that day in the desert.

It is enough for me to lie here and listen to him breathe. It gives me a purpose in this love. A mission beyond just simple loving. Especially when loving just to love is hard for me.

I watch as the rise and fall of his body sways in slumber.. so well earned, this restful sleep.

I ask myself so many things…

How many years was he scared to close his eyes?

How many years did he drink himself to the end of the night?

And am I able to always be the calm that brings him this peace?

I hope so.

I pray I have the strength to be.

the blood
& the bones

…

thebloodandthebones #toloveawarrior