The Blood & The Bones

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I left him there in unanswered ..

Just as they had done to me many times before.

Every promise I didn’t make was already broken.

And every one he needed was weighed down with misplaced love.

All he did was try to show me that it could be gentle too. That it could be mine as much as theirs. That I didn’t have to give away so much of myself to earn a place.

And there was a time when that would have worked.

Thank goodness for the words given which shook me up, brought me back to myself before I gave too much.

And I believe that I am fire now. Warm in close proximity but painful when touched. Ruinous even when I try not to burn anyone.

And all I know, all I crave, is the volatile and destructive. Something to match the rage in me that I cannot force to leave. I have longed for gentle but it was never enough.

I know that this thing that I have become will continue to be my undoing. It is the thief of a future and of good. Keeping me from feeling anything, not just too much.

And yet I fear that now I know not how to be anything else.

What monsters we become when we stop believing we deserve love.

the blood
& the bones