The Blood & The Bones

you may not understand me

how I have been conditioned

made to go without, to accept longing as permanent

to feel as if I was always too much in a world that likes control

I believed them

so I made my mouth tiny, my hands small, my back bent

I held the words and desires hidden when my tongue felt heavy or loose

Even though I had, for maybe too long, kept the truth to myself

I cut deep in, attempting to carve out the want in me

I forgot what it was like to be authentic

To be vulnerable even if still a little guarded

do you see how doubt could become my best friend?

do you see why there is no space on either side of me?

and how at the same time it is all around me, my safety net?

I am what I am because of hurt and constrain

chains I imposed upon myself

I never expected more of anything good

or to even be enough

until you

the blood

& the bones