The Blood & The Bones

I am honestly terrified I’ll never be your Dagny.. never a woman you feel is equal. Because I was something like that, fighting against the tides alone for what seemed like my whole life. Then I met you and wanted to be soft for awhile after being steel for so long. Letting my defenses down while you stood at the wall.

I worry you’ve already seen every woman you ever admired in women you never had and that you’re just settling here. You’ve stopped looking. You’ve thrown the towel in.

What you admire in me is so unlike what you said you wanted in others.

I write about you as if everything I’ve ever put down on paper, every key stroke was building a man that somehow became real. I gave it to you and everyone so that everyone would know. That there would be no doubt of my allegiance.

You never write about me at all. You may not think I notice but I do.

And we’ve had too many rows, too many nights on separate beds to bring it up again. It’s my fault for being insecure, for ultimately being not enough but it’s your fault too. For wanting what I could not be and saying it’s ok when we both know it’s not.

the blood

& the bones