The Blood & The Bones

What would you say if I told you I’ve been dead for months?
at most, maybe even a year
my body.. this carcass I was born ashamed of
that no one ever taught me how to love
it still moves
but the life is gone
I fought to breathe again and thought I had won
then I reached out and you didn’t reach back
you entered with obligation instead of want
and it was only the second time

something in me died that day
and eventually it was all laid to rest
I had exposed myself with a prayer for favor
naively thinking this is it
it’s December and it’s the start of everything
but it was your eyes
your eyes held the disappointment of every misconception
I had prepared you for
I held them with mine for as long as I could
I thought you’d see me there
the girl I really am
the one no other had taken the time to dig out
but you can’t take back a look
or a failed start

it’s winter again
and I wonder why I didn’t mourn me sooner
why I let it slide for longer than you
the fact that you were different too
I have looked to many gods for answers
but mostly I wait for the sun
that and your touch
might be the only chance at revival
I said all I could
I waited
I even begged a little
but I know better now
all these years of lessons
must count for something
I will look to truth
to resignation of destiny
to solace and Helios
from now on

the blood
& the bones

©️thebloodandthebones