The Blood & The Bones

you don’t know what it’s like to constantly crave pain
to wish for once he’d hit hard enough to make me wonder if I am loved or hated
to pray some day I can stop pushing myself to be the one who decides everything
or to feel as if I need to
to want something depraved and dirty enough to actually make you feel shame again

it’s consuming me but I don’t let a soul see it

I just say I want sex

and not that it’s the only thing that forces down
the fullness of feeling everything else
I carry this secret like an anvil

I wish to be crushed with

the blood
& the bones