The Blood & The Bones

I’ve learned to smile as if it all came to fruition
every inclination I was taught to strive for
I do want this
but I also want to yearn for something again
I want to feel my insides churn with needing a thing I can’t have so easily
or feeling something I wasn’t made to contain
I want my fingers to ache to write
my body to burn in anticipation
my mind ablaze with it
and the terror you feel when your fingers start to slip
please don’t say that this is the best of it
that all of that is behind me now
that every road has been traveled
and that my feet will forever be slow and heavy
from carrying every life I didn’t get to live
please don’t say
that regimen and obligation
that the long awaited assurance
I always thought I needed
will be
the slow, dull guillotine
to what’s left of my existence

the blood
& the bones

©️thebloodandthebones