About

I don’t know who I am.

I don’t even know if that’s a thing that can be discovered.

But what I do know is that I have changed more in the last 20 something years than I could’ve ever dreamed. I have come so far. I have come into my own even if what that means is still evolving.

When I was younger I was mostly uncertainty, tears and wrong paths. I was shame and poverty. I was lost in books, scared of living but dying to at the same time. I was pining for material things. And for any love as long as the person was willing to give it to me even if just pretending. I was big city and shiny things. Wanting for the complete opposite of my upbringing. I was empty. Alone. Searching.

And now I am dirt roads. I am love deserved and hard work. I am a mother first. I am blood and bone and poetry. Old trees, river stones, brimming book shelves, family dinners, rainy mornings, hard work, mountain peaks, garden beds and wildflowers… disconnecting from the superficial and connecting to what heals me. Ever changing. Evolving. And I want slow, quiet days. I want to write something that will he remembered. I want dirt under my fingernails.. Moments where I know I’m raising him right.. Kisses from the same mouth until I am no more. I want a view, a hand to hold and only what I have earned.

Yet even knowing all of the above about where I’ve come from and where I stand, I still have no idea who I am.

I thought by now I would have it figured out. All these years I’ve walked down and I still don’t know who I am meant to be. I used to ask myself is there a box or label that fits me? But now I say do I need one? Because maybe that’s the point of the journey. Maybe figuring yourself out or finding yourself is the destination? If so, I’m not ready to be at the end just yet. I want this to last longer..this self exploration.. this life long learning. I want to evolve until I am mostly earth herself, wisdom, bliss, acceptance and peace. Yet never losing my desire to feel and grow. And someday when I have felt it all and know almost all there is to know, then they can put me in the ground happy.

Hears to another round. I am ready.

LLWK | tb&tb