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I’ve learned to smile as if it all came to fruitionevery inclination I was taught to strive forI do want thisbut I also want to yearn for something againI want to feel my insides churn with needing a thing I can’t have so easilyor feeling something I wasn’t made to containI want my fingers to…
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Those nights lying next to you were the worstI watched your back rise and fall in restwhile the rage and humiliationI held inside my neglected bodybuilt and burned and rolled into itselfbecoming something alive and vengefula thing far worse than what was given All day I had waitedI had cooked and cleanedI had loved and…
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From a very young age I wanted to be something other than what I was.Most of my formative years spent praying to God to be like everyone else.To be what I thought was beautiful, but not in a way that brought attention. Therapists always want me to pinpoint when it began. They say it’s the…
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everyone thinks I’m a wanderermaybe I wasbut lost is a foreignword to the gyspyand to those who know what you can learn to feel when you stick around beyond lustI may be a rambling womanor is that only for men?but if I sit still long enoughperhaps I could be found each time you enter and…
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promise methat somedayyou’ll agreethat I was not a villiannot a willing monster just lost and then he showed up and the way was clearer than it had ever been but pleasedon’t remember meas someonewho did notlove you the blood& the bones
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you can find many words for couragegrit, fortitude, braveryeven valor for the right situation whatever it is, I don’t have enough of it to tell youof the life we could’ve hadwhat good would it be to pass this pain on to someone else? but I will make it up to youfor in the nextI do…
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pretend. how often did you come herelooking to circumvent the repression of your reality?to slide and float and drown in somethingno other could fill the empty gorge with?for an ear who actually heard you?for a prompt to dream you were someone else’s?that it was me you held, that you knew, that you tasted? you were…
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I haven’t really decided what I believe. Even though I’m far past old enough to have done so. I feel sure that there is a God… Having felt him in the way the trees sound when the wind is first full of fall. And in my son’s eyes when I’d catch him looking at me…
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All I have ever wantedWas permissionTo be soft in a world that demandedThat I become the shape of rockInstead of water I know love can do thatI know it has the powerSo I waitI wait and build myself into what is NecessaryUntil it finds meAnd lets the levee go the blood& the bones
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The reality of it all is, I’m not sure I’m that interesting. I’m also not overly smart or accomplished. Not in the way people seem to value. Well-read, dark humored, quick tongued but what does that matter in a world of silhouettes and filtered faces? Where we worry about the picture more than the moment?…
The Blood & The Bones 