The Blood & The Bones

Today you said “we feel things differently” and for the first time in the year that I’ve known you, I thought of that as a bad thing.

You see, up until now, I always thought that was one of the things that brought us together.  Because, I feel the things you refuse to and you kept me strong and grounded when the feeling for everyone was too much.

But, now I guess it’s just another reason to keep walking in opposite directions.

I’m sorry I felt too much. I am sorry I was not quieter about it.  I am sorry I was not more reserved.  I show too much emotion sometimes.  I thought maybe its what the world needed.  To know that some of us are still willing to feel even if it means we have to hurt.  I also thought it better to be honest about what was building inside of me and if it spilled out then so be it.  The ones that were meant to be would stay, wade through it and be with me on the other side.

I guess I was wrong.

The thing I felt more than anything was love.  The pain and happiness it brought was just a part of the package.  And as intensely as I hurt I was always more happy.  I was never afraid to hide the smiles or the tears.  I was honest.  I wore it on me like a scarlet letter.  I wouldn’t change this about me, even if you would.  It’s who I am.  It’s who I always will be.  And maybe there is another man out there who will see that and knows it’s the balance he needs.

And maybe there is some girl out there just as unwilling to feel … Who is as “dead on the inside” as you claim to be but you might find that you miss the girl who loved you fiercely and never felt the need to hide it.

LL~