The Blood & The Bones

What is this ache?

It burns and numbs relentlessly

Through quiet and loud

Through all the cells and molecules of me

Upon my skin like fire laden rain drops

Little teeth eating away

My flesh a feast

My soul the kindling

What is this feeling?

What it is it I am actually aching for? Or aching to leave?

What carries me to this depth of feeling desolated and departed?

Fulfilled and full hearted

Alone and discarded

What letters could be formed to make the name of this angel, this beast?

That rips the meat slowly from the bones but leaves me perfectly whole to those that see only the outside of me

And makes me crave everything and nothing. Attachment and detachment. Love and indifference. Aren’t these the things I could want? I should want. I should not desire. I should not need.

How can I sit on this bench right in the middle of halfway to nihility?

Vague definitive pin on a map that’s outdated and faded and yet pristine

I’ll see you now and never

Right on time and delayed indefinitely

Lost but on my way

To a destination

Unknown but seen

I don’t know

I don’t fucking know

How this feeling is

Golden yet excruciating

How I will stay the same and wait for the change of everything

In this aching

LL
the blood & the bones