There was that time that I drove an hour and a half to your house in a snowstorm. So desperate to be with you that even the ice on the roads were no barrier. You knew the risk and you didn’t tell me not to.
But you did tell me a few months later that what you didn’t want was someone who was always there and that was me.. to the core. Always there without fail.
It’s embarrassing to look back on the time we spent together and know that I could’ve just stopped.
I could’ve never answered your messages or picked up the phone when you would call. I could’ve never made it to your house in that snowstorm. I know now that you would not have even cared enough to make sure that I was still alive. I think I knew then too.
There were so many things, so many signs and honestly, other women, during our time together that showed me who you really were and yet I never allowed myself to believe it.
That’s been so long ago, and I barely ever think of you and each time it is only with regret. What I think about most is how much must I have hated myself to believe that that was love.
LL/eCv.
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