And to know how I would have loved you unconditionally and without limit when you had longed for just that…. to know this so completely is a burden I carry.. a knife in my heart. the blood & the bones

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love is a bulletand I am the targetit missesand yetstillI take the hitevery time the blood& the bones

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I think of youperched in disasterstanding patientlyeverlastingas I rocked the boatand brought us to stormsI sought outand stillyou calmly rode throughsteering us homeholding onto lovethat I always triedto drownto sinkto destroymy anchormy harborI never letmyself believeI deserved the blood& the bones

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there are gentle girls full of gracesmooth edges and stable groundpulled together so perfectlyhappily confined in a picket fencewhere adventure is quietand complacency is not viewed as dangerouscontent with more or maybe it’s lessI don’t knowand I may neverbecause there are those girlsand thenwell, thenthere is me the blood& the bones

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it’s not just youI just wanted you to knoweventually I alwaysturn the lockpull down the blindsswitch off the porch lightI once used to beckon you homeand leave a note on the door sayingI’m sorrybut you can’t live here anymore the blood& the bones

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I used to look for you.. I searched for you in kind eyes, in calloused hands, in weight that pushed my body down into the bed. I saw your dark hair in crowds and your painted skin on men who were distant cousins of who you’d been. I smiled and I gravitated to them. Praying

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I think of you between dismal and disaster seated patiently, calmly, everlasting as I rocked the boat holding onto love that I always tried to drown, to sink, to destroy an anchor a sail I never believe I deserved the blood & the bones

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I mean it to be a whisperbut my lips screamfuck this noise in my headhands in my hairI say it with trembling gritted teethlike I could fight itif I could just steady myselflike I wasn’t scaredlike I knew what to believeor like I could runfrom a mind clutteredwith ashes and staticbut you can’t break freefrom

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I am not myselfand yet I am no one elseI am floating in between nothing and too muchand I am not sure where I’ll land the blood& the bones

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there are gentle girls full of grace smooth edges and stable ground happily confined in a picket fence content with more or maybe it’s less pulled together so perfectly and then well, then there is me the blood & the bones

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